Last Sunday I had a very significant need for lip gloss. Does anyone else feel like it is vital to re-hydrate their lips after they eat? I knew that I had some lip gloss–somewhere–in my purse–in my purse that is full of a lot of things. Not just things, but stuff–there’s a lot of stuff in there.
These were my thoughts as I searched through my purse full of things and stuff for the elusive lip gloss:
I picked up my purse…
“Wow, that’s a lot of stuff in your purse…people can see all this stuff that you are rifling through.”
“Wow, that’s a lot of receipts to have flying around while you’re sitting in a Dave Ramsey class…better put that purse on the floor…then look for the lip gloss.”
I leaned to the floor and searched through the purse.
“I can’t find the lip gloss…am I being too loud?”
“Give up…you are not going to find the lip gloss…you are cleaning out this purse before next week.”
“Ugh…my lips are so dry…I’ll drink coffee…that will help.”
I don’t always think that I am really neurotic–but in that moment–I felt more neurotic than Richard Lewis. The Dave Ramsey classmate sitting across from me had just revealed an incredible propensity for organization…and well…let’s just say I let myself feel incredibly inferior after learning how she had chosen to organize her kitchen spices. I couldn’t even find my lip gloss in my purse.
I’d say that organization is not a gift that I possess or even try to mimic.
Being organized over the past 6 months has been a little bit easier–on the surface–but when I looked in my purse today to start cleaning it out–I learned an ugly truth…I was carrying around a small hoard with me. As I have lived in transition over the last 6 months–I have learned to live without a lot of things. It’s easy to stay organized when you don’t have things and stuff surrounding you.
Within my purse today I found an assortment of “treasures” if I were to define it as a self-aware hoarder.
I think that these are things that I wanted to keep, but when I had no where to keep them…they ended up following me everywhere.
There are tickets and programs from events I have attended, church stuff, paint samples, a funeral program…
Not all of these things are worthy of keeping. Some of these things definitely need to be let go…certainly some of the things that aren’t in this picture will be removed permanently–like the pair of toddler socks and obscene amount of receipts.
I guess when no place feels like home…you take home with you. That’s where I was…and that’s what I was doing. A lot of change has happened over the past year–and the best changes have been done within me.
Free from guilt, grief, sadness, and pain–the joy I wear on my face has prompted co-workers and supervisors to question the source of my new countenance. The simple answer I have for them: “Jesus.” I grin at each of them as I say His name. My heart swells in my chest because I know that He also loves them, just the same. They tell me, “Well if that’s why, then that’s okay. Just checking on you.”
If I was cool my answer would be: I’m not drunk it’s only 9:00 a.m.
So if you see me this week know that the weight I’m carrying is a little lighter.
Where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom! I am alive!
Has anyone else ever discovered a walking hoard traveling around with you?
What kind of change are you carrying around with you?